A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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