I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
