I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
