U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
