saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
