That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
