Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
