Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
