remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
