He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
