She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
