Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
