I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
