Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
