I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
