I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
