Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
