You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
