Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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