i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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