trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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