i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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