after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
