I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Randomize
