Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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