No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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