saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
is that a dick in a sweater?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
