he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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