Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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