so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
