Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
