FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
