You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
