i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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