It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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