I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
