I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
