I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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