I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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