there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
