I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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