I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize