why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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