I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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