we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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