Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I want to be your penis for a week.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
