Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
