Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
