john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
