you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize