Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
