I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
