Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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