reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
