I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
