The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
