my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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