You work out of a Hotel?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
