I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
