I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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