Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
