the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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