my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
