did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
