There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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