absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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