final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
